Archive for the ‘Family Life’ Category
Grace Geller on September 2nd, 2010
The school telephone has been very busy these last two weeks as we fielded two different types of phone calls. One was the predictable call from parents checking on their child’s adjustment to the preschool setting, the other (also predictable) parents of recent graduates, now in Kindergarten. The last few weeks I’ve shared some of the transition issues young children are learning and mastering when left for the first time in a new setting. This week we focus on our graduates.
I am a firm believer that children are capable of reading, tying their shoes and acquiring appropriate independence skills prior to entering elementary school. For the last five years, we have succeeded in accomplishing this goal 95% of the time. We set high standards for the children and provide them with the skills necessary to achieve these goals. It is a formula that has worked well in all of the schools I have had the pleasure of working with and for. Children who graduate from our program are competent and excited to take on their next learning adventure. The first week goes off without a hitch. Week two is when the phone calls start pouring in. The children do not want to go to school. The class work is too easy! It is for babies….
Most parents take the complaints with a grain of salt, but then they look at the work and agree it is for babies. The children stand at the edge of a great precipice ready to try their new wings and they feel like they have lead weights tied to their feet. Rather than soaring to great heights, they are being tied down. What’s a parent to do?
First take a deep breath….. Teachers need a little time to get to know their students and how they function in their classroom setting. To each parent their own child is a genius, as it should be. However, the definition of genius is different for most of us. After two weeks, if you and your child still believe they are not being appropriately challenged; write the teacher a note outlining your child’s academic strengths and weaknesses. If your child is reading, send a book to read to the teacher or demonstrate their printing skills. Remember: One parent’s definition of reading or writing is not the same as others.
Finally, if after contacting the teacher and establishing a suitable plan for your child’s education, the work still remains too easy, it’s time to request a conference. A discussion between a parent and teacher will clarify what your child is demonstrating in the classroom setting. Understand that you might not have the complete picture of how your child is functioning. If all else fails, speak to a guidance counselor, vice principal or the next person in the chain of command. Do not become prematurely disillusioned. When you advocate for your child in a calm and organized manner, you help ensure that their educational, social and physical needs will be met. The most important point: It is not okay to allow your child’s burning quest for knowledge to dim. It is not okay to just let it be.
The curriculum can change to meet the caliber of the student; it is up to the parent to be an advocate for it!
Peace & Light,
Grace
Technorati Tags: Education, first days of school, Kindergarten, preschool
Grace Geller on August 26th, 2010
Fall 2010 school year has begun in our preschool and the classrooms are bustling with activity. The front desk’s phones are ringing and the administrative staff is busy checking on the children who have been left in our charge. From the back of the school we can hear a mixture of happy and sad voices.
No matter how many years we do this, it is always difficult to watch children who are exhibiting signs of distress. As parents and educators we would like to have their first experience at school be pleasant, and for the majority of children it is. But for some, it is a difficult transition. Children of various stages and ages will exhibit distress when left on their own in an unfamiliar environment. It is a normal reaction.
How families deal with their child’s “normal” reaction can influence how their child will deal with new situations now, and in the future; as well as how confident they will be when left to their own resources. Some of our families have spent a significant amount of time helping their child prepare for the transition to school. They have visited the classroom, played on the playground and spoken to the teachers. Though they have planned well, this does not guarantee that their child will not have any difficulty when left in the care of their preschool teacher. All children go through a certain level of anxiety when left on their own, but some children have had opportunities to develop self soothing and coping skills and the transition is shorter and less difficult.
All parents want to spare their children (any and all) pain and distress. But is sparing them the pain and distress really in their best interest? Every year we see one or two parents withdraw their child from preschool because they cried when their parents left them at school. By not allowing a child to grow through the process of learning to trust others to meet their needs, we may be robbing them of acquiring skills they will need to gain for success in the future. There is such a thing as “over-protecting.”
All children need to be protected from physical and mental harm. However, they do not need to be protected from learning how to deal with developmentally appropriate separations and restrictions. When they are given the opportunity to navigate the social terrain, they begin to acquire skills and confidence that they can bring with them to the next task or trial that presents itself.
It is important that parents do not rush in to rescue a child before they have had ample opportunity to figure it out on their own. Socially adept children learn from parents who have confidence in their child’s ability to sooth themselves in a difficult situation and make appropriate choices when allowed to. Or at the very least, learn and grow from their mistakes.
Peace & Light,
Grace
If you would like to read more about transitioning to preschool, check out my post on “First Days.” www.preschooltimes.net/first-days
Technorati Tags: New School Year, preschool, transitions
Grace Geller on August 19th, 2010
It is way pass my deadline for writing this week’s blog and I find myself short of breath. Teachers and administrators have been rushing from place to place. We are all so busy getting the building ready to turn back into a school……. While still running a camp! As I look out my office door I see the new prep materials, laminating and classroom discards lining the hallway. Teachers never throw anything away, they just put it out to pasture! The speed at which thoughts are passing through my mind makes it hard for my fingers to keep up. I can feel tightness in my chest, it is stress climbing in. I really don’t have time for this…. (I mean the stress)
Getting a school ready to open is not unlike getting your family ready to go back to school. Deadlines and stress are familiar to us all.
Stress is not something I have to accept into my body. I try to picture stress as an animated creature constantly looking to climb inside me and wreck a little havoc. Sometimes he sneaks in and I am unaware of his antics, until I feel my personality change and I become short or aggressive when interacting with people. I can think of a hundred reasons why stress is a normal reaction to deadlines; it does not have to consume me. Stress may be a common reaction it is not a healthy one.
It is important to have several tools in your survival kit to handle stress. One of the best ways for me to chase away stress is to take a moment to breathe. Some long slow breathing is definitely in order when the activity and anxiety level may exceed the norm. I also try to schedule extra time to get things done. For teachers/administrators, that one just isn’t possible the week before school starts. So, I prepare my family for a longer than usual absence and the laundry, which is rivaling Mt. Everest, will get done, eventually…. I remind myself that it will all come together if I just take one step at a time. I try to remember to stay in the moment and not let the never ending list of things to do take over my present.
When I stay open and present nice things begin to happen; I can feel the stress melt away. Today on the way to work, I was mindlessly driving the ever familiar route; when there, on the side of the exit close to the everglades was a doe and her two fawns foraging in the grass and flowers. I have lived in South Florida for over 20 years and have never seen deer along the highway in Sunrise! I tried to slow down, to extend that moment just a bit longer. Unfortunately, the other motorist was either unaware or didn’t care about the beautiful gift Mother Nature presented and I was forced to move on for safety’s sake. That image stayed with me throughout the day and I only needed to recall that brief moment to stay centered as the demands and deadlines mounted.
That was a gentle reminder that work, tasks, chores, need to be kept in perspective. No matter how busy we are we must stay present. Now, it’s all you have. Take long deep breathes!
Peace & Light,
Grace
Technorati Tags: back to school, family, stress
Grace Geller on August 5th, 2010
I sat on the floor with a group of two-year-olds building large structures to house dinosaurs. We stacked yellow, green, blue and red Duplo blocks, until we made a building high enough to put at least one of our dinosaurs inside; fat Duplos on the bottom, smaller ones in the middle towering up, up, up, up. We talked. We laughed. We rolled around the floor. A whole class was going on around us; but we were encapsulated in the moment. We were interested in our building and each other. The only time that existed was NOW. This is how toddlers and preschoolers live. They live in the moment.
To use a well coined phrase: “Everything I needed to know I learned in Kindergarten.” I participate in Yoga; during every class we are instructed to stay in the moment. To focus our attention on our breath; and here I am again; relearning for the hundredth time what I knew as a child: The only time we really have is NOW.
The beauty of working with young children is that they continuously teach us what we routinely forget; to enjoy what we are doing while we are doing it. They find fun and joy wherever they are and in whatever they are doing. As we grow older we tend to forget that we need to enjoy what we are doing especially when we are with our children. Even the most mundane tasks are opportunities to delight in the time we have together. Teachers are instructed to talk to children while they are changing diapers. They tell them what they are doing and describe the sensations they might be experiencing. If a stranger can turn a less than ideal situation into a pleasant one, shouldn’t we?
Are we able to look at each aspect of our day and find the joy in it? I know what I do for a living makes the task of finding joy easier than it is for most others. But, isn’t it possible that washing dishes can be meaningful and joyful? I have never seen a four year old refuse to wash dishes. Just watch them while they suds the dishes and rinse them in the warm water. They are so happy they will probably thank you for the opportunity and ask when they can do it again.
I understand that most of the things we do everyday are routine. When daily schedules become construed as unpleasant; it’s time to ask ourselves: Is it the task, or our attitude towards it? Watch your child doing the simplest work and you will be reminded that each task is valuable. Pay attention to what it feels like. Before you know it the task will no longer be such a bore and the time spent will be pleasant and purposeful.
We have a lot to teach our children, but we continually have opportunities to learn from them. One of the most important things we can learn from our children is the power of NOW. Pay attention. Don’t take the minutes together for granted. Stay in the moment and find the joy!
Peace & Light,
Grace
Technorati Tags: preschoolers, quality time
Grace Geller on July 29th, 2010
In the southeast where summer comes early and leaves late, we have reached the half way mark. The time in the summer where half of the season is behind us and half is in front of us; from this point on, life begins to pick-up the pace and soon we find ourselves at the doorstep of a new school year.
Many of our graduating preschool children and their parents are stopping by to visit one last time before they matriculate into their perspective schools. Though it is always a joy to see “our children,” we are often saddened by how much they have grown. The less obvious transition is the one that occurs between the parent (formerly client) and the caregiver. A gentle peace settles between them, one that comes from the give and take of negotiating the daily care and education of each child. Gone are the inevitable power struggles as we strive to find the balance between what the parent wants and what the teacher needs to be successful. (And you thought it was all nicey, nicey!) It is replaced with a mutual respect that both parties found and maintained, to help the child reach their full potential. A sort of camaraderie sets in as we both watch this new, more competent child march into the future. We know there will be many more battles but at least we know they had the best start possible.
I often hear parents say, “I won’t spend a lot on preschool tuition, because I am going to save for a private high school; that’s when it really matters.” I have long held the opposite opinion. Based on my education and experience, I believe that if you give your child a high quality foundation their upper education will pay for its self. After educating young children for 20 plus years I’ve had ample opportunity to test my theory and I am happy to report the evidence supports my premise.
Over the past several years I also found that preschools can be the key to educating socially competent children as well. The solution has been and always will be QUALITY!
I am happy and alarmed to report about an ongoing study which has been tracking over 1,300 children in group care since 1991. So far, the study’s findings found obedience and academic problems among those who received low-quality care during their first 4½ years of life and persisted through their 15th birthday. The quality care profile included: The caregivers’ warmth, sensitivity, emotional support and the amount of cognitive stimulation they provided. Children receiving higher-quality care displayed fewer behavioral problems than children receiving lower-quality care. The type of care, whether inside or outside the home did not seem to matter.
There was no surprise that the children who received high quality care scored better on tests measuring math, reading and other cognitive skills throughout elementary school. What was a surprise was the persistent effect of low-quality care into adolescence and beyond! So, while out interviewing preschools for your little one, don’t forget that a quality preschool experience is often worth its weight in gold.
Peace & Light,
Grace
Technorati Tags: early childhood, great schools, preschools, quality care
Grace Geller on July 22nd, 2010
Three women of various ages and stages of life were entering the warm gulf waters when a tiny voice called out: “Can I come?” A resounding YES was their response. So adorned in her swim ring, the preschooler cautiously dipped her toe into the gulf advancing into the deeper water while holding her swim ring around her middle.
By now you might be a bit worried. We all know that swim rings are not life preservers. But worry not. The women quickly caught her in their arms and so began the little girl’s swimming class. From one set of arms to another she paddled her way. After she arrived in each of the women’s arms, she was rewarded with praise and a hug. She was safely nestled in loving arms as they bobbed together on the surf. After a little while, the second women called “Swim to me Lauren, it’s my turn.” Lauren turned to face the new set of arms and cheerfully paddled off. And so the afternoon progressed. Lauren paddled to and fro and relaxed in the surf, safe and snug in the arms of her care takers. Soon each member was identified. One woman was her mother; another, her aunt and yet another, an older sister or perhaps a young aunt. The day passed with little Lauren becoming more and more confident in her swimming skills and delighting in the peaceful gulf waters.
The next day at breakfast the women and several other family members gathered. I could hear them discussing the books they were reading and lunches at their various schools. Yes, of course, they were a family of teachers. There in this circle of women, little Lauren would learn not only how to swim but also how to teach; just as the adolescent sister/aunt was learning. Teaching was a gift passed down from one family member to another. It was a talent, a skill they honed, reinforced, refined and loved from early on.
Having observed many natural teachers in my career, I can easily envision the learning environments in the classrooms and the innate mannerism of these women as teachers. What a pleasure it would be to learn in their classrooms. They joyfully reinforced the child’s attempts at independence while allowing her to move at her own pace. When they saw that she was comfortable they encouraged her to move another step forward. Their delicate encouragement was as quiet and soft as the gentle gulf waters. There were no bells and whistles; no showering the child with accolades, just a circle of women welcoming this child forward.
So three soft cheer’s to the natural teacher residing in all of us; we just have to remember to gently welcome it forward.
Peace & Light,
Grace
Technorati Tags: learning, swimming, teacher
Grace Geller on July 8th, 2010
My husband and I sat under the shade of our beach umbrella enjoying the quiet sounds of the surf. The man adjacent to us was quietly moving through his asana and meditation. As the world began to wake up, families claimed their areas of the beach. Slightly in front of us a young family put down their blanket and arranged their gear. The mother and her new infant daughter cooed contently to each other.
The dad organized the blanket and then tended to their son. He gently, yet thoroughly, applied sunscreen; adjusted his young son’s sunglasses and then stood back. The young fellow (around three years old) sprinted toward the shoreline. The father continued setting out needed items, while keeping a close eye on his son.
An older lady walking along the shore became concerned about the young boy seemingly by himself. She began to approach the boy, and the father signaled that he was being watched. The older lady waved and walked away. The dad continued to watch the boy as he cautiously approached the water. The young lad was not a daredevil. After allowing his son a little more freedom, the father went to the shore and encouraged his son into the surf. The father placed himself about three feet off shore and turned to watch his son as the boy raced the waves back and forth to the shore.
This man understood the importance of giving his son the appropriate freedom to test out his abilities, while under the watchful eye of someone who loved him. Notice, I said appropriate. He did not sit on the blanket and ignore his son; he watched the entire time and only interceded when he became alert to a possible danger or in the event his child needed more help. In this case the boy was not moving ahead with his play. He was stuck in his own fears. In order to move to the next level of play he needed his father closer. Sensing this his father approached the water allowing the boy to fully engage in his water play.
The father went back to the blanket to check on his wife and their infant. He sat down and suggested she go play with their son in the surf, which she happily agreed to. The newborn had drifted off to sleep and her father took out his video camera and filmed her as she slept.
As the sun grew higher in the sky the infant began to fuss. The mother tried to comfort her, but when it became obvious the baby was uncomfortable they gathered their things and left the beach.
Often I find myself telling you there are no perfect families or marriages but I want to remind you there are idyllic family moments. Those times when we are guided by our love for each other, when we put way our own selfish wants and needs to care and nurture each other. On that day, at that point of time that family got it! Together, they were the perfect balance of nurture and strength.
I don’t know who these people are but I predict a beautiful future for all of them.
Peace and Light,
Grace
Technorati Tags: family life, family values, Fathers
Grace Geller on July 1st, 2010
Every day I open the newspaper and read the leading news stories as well as the editorials. I turn on the television news and I see the networks version of what is important. It is a very complicated world out there and I ponder; how can we prepare children to be safe while at the same time care about their neighbors?
Before our children can understand and care about others, they must trust that their needs are being consistently met. Children are self centered and need driven. If you have any doubts; just watch or speak to a toddler at play. I guarantee you will hear the word “mine” more than once during their play. The more consistently we meet their needs (emotional, physical and spiritual) the less energy they will direct towards getting their needs met. The result: More energy that can be directed elsewhere.
Consider the difference between meeting your child’s needs and meeting your child’s wants. If you meet their needs you can’t do any harm, if you meet your child’s wants…that’s where you can get into trouble. It is important for children to know who they are, is not defined by what they have. No matter how many things you buy your child, or how much you entertain your child, it will never be enough. They will always want more. Wants are insatiable. The more they get, the more they want, the more they want, the more they get. The circle goes round and round never to satisfy for long.
So where does lasting satisfaction come from? Lasting satisfaction comes from caring for others. Most of us feel better about ourselves when we reach out and helped another through an act kindness, charity work, neighborly interactions, and volunteering. How do we begin to teach our children to care for the community in which they live?
We have to be good role models. When we express empathy toward others, children will first feel and then see what it looks like. What are your acts of kindness? Have you talked them through? Talk about how to treat other people then model the way you would like them to treat others. The same sensitive little children that know when we are harried, short tempered, or sugary sweet also sense when we are genuinely kind in the check-out line or at the gas station. They begin to watch and then mirror our acts of kindness and respect for the other people we interact with.
Every year many of us make donations to various causes that we believe in. Take the time to explain your child what you are doing and why. Teach children to understand that contributing (in which ever manner you choose) directly relates to their well being and humanity’s well being. By including them in the process they will begin to learn and incorporate this value as one of your core family’s values and ultimately go one step further in the world.
Include your child in finding ways to help others. Acting on empathy is different than just feeling for others. Empathy is a muscle, you need to flex it!
Support your child’s efforts to make things better. If they are worried about the sea turtles maybe they could help raise funds for their protection or volunteer at a rehab center. The opportunities for caring are endless. Start small but think big. Once they see that they can make a difference their empathy muscle will grow and become strong. A child with a strong empathy muscle can move mountains!
Peace & Light,
Grace
Technorati Tags: core values, family values, preschooler
Grace Geller on June 24th, 2010
Today I celebrate my one hundredth week of posts. So what is so special about 100 that we choose to use it as a yardstick for judgment? Well, it is a nice round number. But why do we use the number 100 to judge: presidents, wars and businesses. Americans latched on to the significance of the number 100 most notably during the presidency of Franklin D. Roosevelt. Roosevelt’s term began during a financial crisis and he used the first 100 days of his presidency to implement bold changes. Since that time, 100 days has been embraced as an adequate time frame before rendering a judgment on an idea or concept.
So keeping true to my yogini ways I would like to take this opportunity to reflect a little on the path we have walked, and the direction for the future. I have consistently attempted to adhere to a weekly schedule of thinking about, writing, editing and finally posting my thoughts for this blog. I select topics that are reflective of the issues we humans face as we make our way through the very complicated task of raising the next generation. Sometimes the topics I present are a direct result of “If I knew then what I know now.” Sometimes they are the result of what I wish I knew and sometimes they are the result of direct observation of parents deeply entrenched raising their children.
Though I love writing the posts, some have proven easier to write then others. I know when I write directly from my heart, the post usually finds a place in your heart, which reinforces my premise that we are all the same. I have worked with families from all over the world and many different cultures. On the whole, I have found that we all strived to be the best we can possibly be. We all have times that we have failed miserably and hurt the very ones we wished to protect. Sometimes we harm through ignorance or neglect, sometimes it is a character flaw within ourselves, but no matter how hard we try perfection is unattainable.
No one raises the perfect child and no family is without its wounds and scars. Here is what I do know: Every day you must get out of bed and state your intention to do the best you can to face the obstacles that will arise throughout the day. Everyday you must arm yourself with patience, knowledge, dedication and a good sense of humor; so you will be able to meet the challenges ahead. Most days you will fall short of your intentions. And that is OK. You see it is not whether or not you get everything right, it is whether or not you put your best effort forward. Each day we learn a little more and we add a little more love, compassion and understanding to our stock pile of ammunition. Each day we try a little bit harder to do a little bit better. That is our work and it never ends. Welcome to the human race.
On Monday I will start on my 101st post.
Peace & Light,
Grace
Technorati Tags: 100, Families Today
Grace Geller on June 17th, 2010
Summer is upon us! With a little extra time and an uncluttered calendar, imagine the possibilities…. Summertime is the perfect time to start something new; but what? How do you stop yourself, or your child, from falling into the doldrums and doing the same old thing?
As parents and teachers, we want our children to be “creative.” But what is creativity? And how do we encourage it in ourselves and others? Before we discuss creativity and enhancing creativity, let’s back up and examine a few creativity inhibitors.
In our never-ending effort to help create the well balanced child, we sometimes interfere with that balance. Some of our inhibiting behaviors include:
Hovering: Constantly watching children while they are working interferes with risk taking behavior. (We are not talking about safety issues.) We are talking about using a medium in a different way or combining items that are not usually combined.
Approval Seeking Behavior: Sometimes our children will do, or make something, in an effort to please us. They do not make it or do it to please themselves. When we seek approval from others we ignore the satisfaction that comes with our own accomplishments. Allow your child to check his/her motives. Let them tell you why they created what they did….
Rewards: Excessively rewarding children with prizes and gifts deprives them of the pleasure of creating something for its own value. The goal then becomes receiving the prize rather then creating something new. Create for the sake of creating.
Competition: Sometimes when we place children in the position that only one or two children can win, we create an environment that winning becomes the important result. Innovation can lose to the sure thing.
Controlling: Constantly telling children what to do and how to do it can inhibit a child’s ability to develop problem solving skills. Without problem solving skills it becomes increasingly difficult to think of and test new ideas.
Over Scheduling: Directing your child’s activities or enrichment classes is an important part of exposing children to the many options available to them, but over scheduling limits your child’s time and interests to the allotted time and information. Children need time to explore and follow their passions. Sometime after the 20th “I’m bored” comes discovery. It takes awhile for our over scheduled children to learn how to fill their own time with things that are important to them.
Pressure: Last but not least, pressure. We need to scale our expectations for our child’s performance. When our expectations are too high our children may refrain from trying something new or not taking any risks, for fear of failure. As parents and teachers we must remove our ego from the equation!
The beginning of this post referred to creativity in our children and ourselves. We too, are victims of inhibitory behaviors. More often than not, we place those inhibitors on ourselves. The more aware of the inhibitors that we are, the better we can deal with them.
So now that we have a handle on the inhibitors, what is next?
We need to get unstuck! First we must set a goal. One that is specific, attainable and realistic.
We are helping our children and ourselves learn to create! To relax, to go with a new flow, express ourselves, paint, make music, build things, try new foods, sing, look at the world upside down aaaaahhhh Create………
Next we must get up and move. That is right. We need to get the creative juices moving. So shake and shimmy until you work up a sweat.
Finally allow time – to dream, imagine the possibilities, visualize, hum, sniff, giggle. What would it be like if…
Peace & Light,
Grace
Technorati Tags: creativity, Early Childhood Education, Early Learning, family life
