Fall 2010 school year has begun in our preschool and the classrooms are bustling with activity. The front desk’s phones are ringing and the administrative staff is busy checking on the children who have been left in our charge. From the back of the school we can hear a mixture of happy and sad voices.
No matter how many years we do this, it is always difficult to watch children who are exhibiting signs of distress. As parents and educators we would like to have their first experience at school be pleasant, and for the majority of children it is. But for some, it is a difficult transition. Children of various stages and ages will exhibit distress when left on their own in an unfamiliar environment. It is a normal reaction.
How families deal with their child’s “normal” reaction can influence how their child will deal with new situations now, and in the future; as well as how confident they will be when left to their own resources. Some of our families have spent a significant amount of time helping their child prepare for the transition to school. They have visited the classroom, played on the playground and spoken to the teachers. Though they have planned well, this does not guarantee that their child will not have any difficulty when left in the care of their preschool teacher. All children go through a certain level of anxiety when left on their own, but some children have had opportunities to develop self soothing and coping skills and the transition is shorter and less difficult.
All parents want to spare their children (any and all) pain and distress. But is sparing them the pain and distress really in their best interest? Every year we see one or two parents withdraw their child from preschool because they cried when their parents left them at school. By not allowing a child to grow through the process of learning to trust others to meet their needs, we may be robbing them of acquiring skills they will need to gain for success in the future. There is such a thing as “over-protecting.”
All children need to be protected from physical and mental harm. However, they do not need to be protected from learning how to deal with developmentally appropriate separations and restrictions. When they are given the opportunity to navigate the social terrain, they begin to acquire skills and confidence that they can bring with them to the next task or trial that presents itself.
It is important that parents do not rush in to rescue a child before they have had ample opportunity to figure it out on their own. Socially adept children learn from parents who have confidence in their child’s ability to sooth themselves in a difficult situation and make appropriate choices when allowed to. Or at the very least, learn and grow from their mistakes.
Peace & Light,
Grace
If you would like to read more about transitioning to preschool, check out my post on “First Days.” www.preschooltimes.net/first-days
Written by Grace Geller
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